Chuck is an Air Force combat veteran with multiple overseas deployments. In February 2014 he adopted a dog through Pets for Patriots named Chance, who recently passed away. This is their story in Chuck’s own words.
Invisible wounds
While developing this short story, I had to navigate the biggest challenge in my life both emotionally and physically.
It is my hope that by telling this story and sharing several loving memories of my days and years with Chance it will help someone who may also experience a similar loss. Maybe they will also feel joy, happiness, and loss of unconditional love in such a short period of life. You realize time flew by while joy and happiness are there, and with the loss it seems like time stands still.
Chance and I found each other back in March 2014, but let me go back to what precipitated this meeting.
For years I have been struggling with PTSD. I was angry with everyone, everywhere, including myself. I was depressed and constantly looking for where to run next time in my life. I went to therapy for years and none of them asked the right questions; and then I finally met one who asked the right questions. She determined that I had PTSD and my anger and the self-isolation I created was a result of it.
I was married at the time and my wife suggested finding a dog to be an emotional support animal. I was hesitant to adopt a dog because I went through this before and was heartbroken when he passed. But I knew I needed something, and this is how my journey to find a pup began.
As I mentioned, I was very reluctant to adopt. All the usual things go through your mind. Who’s going to walk the pup? Who’s going to feed it? Who’s going to pick up the poop and bring the pup to the vets?
Then I met Chance.
“…caught my attention”
I live in mid-Florida and there is a large no-kill shelter here and they have a fantastic reputation, so we started there by looking through online pictures to find out who was available to adopt.
Meanwhile, as a veteran, I knew about entities that helped veterans like me adopt support animals. Just so happened that the entity I found was brand new, and I was one of their first veterans; they help with the costs, if/when I found a dog to adopt. Things looked like they were coming together to adopt a dog.
While looking through the online pictures, I came across one that immediately caught my attention. He was black and white and was a Border Collie mix, most likely Labrador. I know those breeds are exceptionally good for people, loyal and with the Border Collie, smart. I made a call to go meet him and ask some general questions.
How long has he been there? Did someone bring him in? Is he neutered? Does he have his shots? Any major medical issues? How old is he? Just to be clear, even if he had some medial issues or needed special care, if he was friendly I would adopt him.
The reluctant adopter
I found out that the Florida shelter rescued him from a high-kill shelter in Georgia. The Florida shelter only had him for three days, but did determine he could be adopted.
I went that same day with my wife and stepson to see him. I also had my letter in hand from the VA group stating that they would pay all costs for the adoption.
Again, I remind you that, at this point, I was still very reluctant. I understood the responsibility that would come with caring for a dog throughout his life, as well as the grief I would face when it was time for him to move on.
Take a chance on me
We arrived at the shelter, and we were brought back to where he was being housed. There he was curled up in the back of the concrete enclosure. Do not get me wrong, it was large for just him, it had a roof and a bed. The front was a metal cage wall and with a gate to come out into a larger metal enclosure, which had a pool the dogs could go in.
The employee opened the cage to his space and coaxed him to come out. At first, we all sat in a circle, but allowed him space to back out if needed. He liked my wife and stepson immediately. When it came time for me to try to interact with him, he was like “NO WAY.” He wanted nothing to do with me. Not a big deal; he was not aggressive, did not growl or bark. Just walked away.
At that time, my stepson started to act silly, he was nine, and the dog noticed the excitement and immediately wanted to play. They began running and chasing each other in the big enclosure. If a dog could laugh aloud, I swear he was. They were both having a lot of fun; we were all laughing.
That is when it hit me; this was the dog. It did not matter if he were weary of me then; I knew that would change.
The shelter had named him Chance, and he was around two years old. We decided to keep his name as Chance; it seemed the most appropriate name for him, and I didn’t realize until much later that it was a chance for me too.
The look of love
When we finally got Chance home, I got to spend about two weeks alone with him. I had just bought a new house, and furniture was being delivered, and I had painters doing the interior of the house. Luckily, I was able to work from home for this time, and it was then that we bonded.
I got to see his personality come alive. I could see he realized he was finally home. He knew all the basic dog instructions, such as sit, stay, lay down, etc, and I swear he could communicate with us from the start. If he needed to go out, he would come over and sit in front of me, put his paw on me and look at the door. In the morning he would smack my side of the bed until I got up.
I could tell by his smile he enjoyed being with us.
He loved going out back and playing with his frisbee or ball. If all the kids were over playing catch out back, he wanted to play. Of course, his idea of playing was chasing the ball in the air and tackling the kids to the ground for the ball. We had to replace a variety of balls over the years.
I would take him to the local parks a few times a week to run and play with other dogs. He definitely got his zoomies out at the park. I would say that over several months of bonding closely I could see that Chance was stuck to me like glue, and he was definitely my dog. Even the people at the park would make comments about how much Chance loved me. They said they could see it by how he looked at me.
I’m okay, you’re okay
This was quite a turn-around from when we first met. He wouldn’t come close to me at the shelter, compared to about four weeks later; he would not leave my side.
He and I spent a lot of time together over the years. We were able to go on lots of adventures together over the years. We went to Tennessee in the mountains. He loved being there during the winter. We have gone to St Augustine, Key Largo, Islamorada, Venice, Wilmington, and Sebring, most of those places we went to several times.
As Chance got older, he wasn’t too keen on getting in the car for long trips, however, he was super excited exploring new areas.
If he was close to me, he was okay and frankly if I was close to him, I was okay too.
Ready to heal
I hadn’t realized over the first couple of years how dependent I had become on Chance being around.
It wasn’t until the first time I was away from him for a weeklong cruise, and I became very stressed, nervous, and anxious. I could not just go home and see him. I knew he was in good hands with my sister and her family. That still didn’t help me.
At this point is when I really started to take counseling seriously.
I had gone on and off for years, but I needed more engaging treatment by people who understand veterans and the baggage they carry with them from war.
I found some therapists that understand and treat PTSD and I went for several more years through private insurance, but still didn’t feel like I was getting to the core of what was causing my distress. During all this time and counseling, the only time I felt comfortable was with Chance, so I made sure we were always close to each other.
“…the end of any rules”
I remember the first time he wanted to get on the couch. I was on the phone in the kitchen not fully paying attention to him, I was just kind of watching to see what he was doing. This was the first month of having him. So, he was testing his boundaries.
I saw him walk towards the couch and stop. He then turned his head to look at me and put one front paw on the couch and stopped. He continued to look at me to see if I would say or do anything to stop him. When I didn’t do anything, he put the other front paw up and stopped again to see if anything would happen. When he decided that all was good, he did the full commit to jump on the couch.
That was the end of any rules for him. He pretty much got away with lots of stuff.
Gentle soul
There was a time when a friend of mine, who is an excellent photographer, was taking family photos of some friends of ours and Chance and I were there. Some of the families had babies, just a few months old, and the photographer was trying to just get pictures of the babies one by one. Chance was extremely curious, as he had never seen or been near a baby, at least as far as I knew.
Somehow Chance found a way to get right up near the baby, he just lay down and scooted so his nose barely touched the baby. He just stayed that way smelling the baby but never touched them. They were able to get several pictures of him and the baby just lying there.
He was such an extremely gentle pup.
Zest for life
Chance was a silly pup when he was younger. He used to sneak into the laundry and steal bras and underwear. None of the clothes were mine, always my exe’s clothes. He used to chew on her flip flops too. It’s not that he didn’t like her; he played with her and spent a lot of time with her as well. I guess her clothes smelled better.
When we all played out back, I had mentioned earlier that he would tackle people, I don’t mean he would just run and jump up on you. He would run full out, jump but twist his body so he would be horizontal to the ground and plow into you like that. It was like he watched WWE and learned it.
At the park, there was this 12 to15-foot high mound of sand. It was specifically put there for the dogs to run up and down and round it. Think back to when you were a kid and played king of the hill. Well, that is what happened with the dogs. Chance was fast when he was younger, so he would run up to the top, and he would defend it, then he would come tumbling down in a heap of dirt. He would pop up and run like a maniac around the base of the hill chasing the dogs.
Walk this way
As time went by and Chance became older, he still had his zoomies and wanted to play, but he also had more relaxing and calm times.
I had a friend that lived along the inter-coastal, in a third floor condo that had a large window you could look out to the inter-coastal. They had a get together one day with people and pets.
Chance decided he was going to sit on the ottoman that was by the big window and when he got up there he just stopped and looked out. You could see the amazement in his eyes as he looked at the boats and people on them. He sat on the ottoman and looked out that window for at least 20 minutes.
Chance was definitely a dog of routine. He absolutely had to be walked to do his business. Both my sister and I had backyards with our houses, she even had a doggie door, but Chance refused to go to the bathroom out in the back yard. I had to walk him.
One night when we stayed at my sister’s house, he actually used the doggie door to go out. We know this because my brother-in-law has a backyard camera and Chance was caught on camera going out the doggie door.
When walking Chance, he had a plan for each walk. He knew exactly which way he wanted to go. Every walk we had to go in a certain direction, and if I tried to change it up, he would just sit there until he got his way. He would not budge.
“…sweet and gentle”
Chance was such an adaptable dog, as many times as I changed his environment on him. Even as he got older, he was so easygoing with these moves.
He had an adventure for sure, I believe we lived in seven different places over the course of his life. The big one was when he turned 10, Chance and I packed up the Jeep and moved to North Carolina from Florida. I didn’t really plan it; I just needed a change.
We stayed there for 10 months. It turned out to be an awesome place for both of us. He made so many dogs friends. He had a huge area to run around with them.
I think he was more disappointed that we packed up after 10 months and came back down to Florida than when we moved up there from Florida. Thankfully, Chance easily made new friends. Chance was an extremely sweet and gentle dog; he would meet and play with any dog or person without hesitation.
“…makes me smile”
Florida is where chance ultimately spent the last few years of his life. He was happy to be with me no matter where we were, and I am happy that I got to give him the life he deserved.
In Chance’s twilight years, he remained alert and healthy for a 14 year-old dog. I could tell though over the final six months to a year that he was struggling. His breathing had become more labored, his walking slowed way down, and it was extremely difficult for him to get up from laying down. His last few months, prior to passing, there were a few times I let him know it was okay if he needed to sleep forever.
However, I could tell by looking into his eyes that he was staying for me. He wanted to be there for me.
The one thing that I will cherish and miss the most about Chance, he always got the last bite of whatever I was eating. It was our thing. It makes me smile whenever I am eating.
Chance and I were in each other’s lives for over 12 years. It doesn’t seem anywhere long enough.
The forever sleep
To lose your best friend and the only being that can love you unconditionally, it leaves a terrifying hole in your heart and soul. The pain and emptiness can be overwhelming at times. Nothing seems right anymore. A piece of me is gone, and I am trying to navigate this new reality.
A lot of the time my mind still doesn’t believe it, and I feel like I am going to walk through the door and he will stick his head around the corner, excited that I am home. It’s quiet and I think that is what hits me the most. No more “tic tic tic” on the floor, no more loud yawns, and no more busting the bathroom door open to see what I was doing.
There are times that I feel that I can’t go through what remains of life, what is the point. I just wish people would not say, “You are going to be alright” or “It’s just going to take time.”
That final day, when we brought him to the vet I never once thought we would be going home without him.
We thought that maybe the vet would tell us, “Oh, looks like he pinched a nerve, and he will be up and walking in no time.” Instead, we were talking about letting him sleep forever.
The vet let us have several minutes with Chance, during this time he laid down and was just calm. He looked at me and I could tell he was telling me that it is okay, he is ready to sleep.
I held his head and looked into his eyes until his last breath. I will never forget it for the rest of my life.
Hear my prayers
I know Chance would want me to be happy and live my life. I have to remember all the joy and happiness we brought into each other’s lives. Well maybe more of him bringing that happiness to me.
To remember him, I have his ashes and a footprint of his as well as lots of pictures of him. I kept several items that were personal belongings to Chance and will create a special space for them that I can look at when I am feeling lost or down.
If you have ever lost a soul that healed you in ways you never thought possible, you should read “The Rainbow Bridge” poem. I read this every now and then and hope that this is where I will see Chance again.
Dear G-d, I know you are busy listening to all of our prayers; however, I was hoping you could please look out for Chance until I see him again. He was my best friend, and he saved me from myself. He has a gentle soul, and he loves being around people. Please tell him I love him and miss him dearly every day and I pray that he is up there with you and his dog friends running around playing and waiting for me. Please tell him we will be together again someday. Thank you.
Hi all.
I wrote this story in part to help me grieve, however, while writing this story it helped my realize how much of a bond i had with Chance as well as how much he opened my eyes to love and how to enjoy life
I might have adopted him, he saved me on so many levels that I will never be able to thank him for.